Why We Self-Sabotage Relationships

We don’t destroy our relationships because we’re cruel. We destroy them because they matter. The closer someone gets, the more they see the mess we’ve been hiding under the bed: the jealousy, the neediness, the rage, the embarrassing tenderness.

Sabotage is just a preemptive strike. It’s easier to push someone away than wait for them to figure out what’s wrong with us. It’s easier to leave first, to make a sharp exit, than to risk being left crumpled and exposed.

But every time we do this, we teach ourselves the same lie: that intimacy is dangerous, that love is too expensive, that we can’t afford to be seen. We end up alone—not because people can’t love us, but because we refuse to let them.