Jealousy as Proof of Care

Jealousy has terrible PR. It’s treated like the emotional version of having bad breath: embarrassing, avoidable, and a sign you don’t have your life together. Every self-help guru chants, “Don’t be jealous, just be confident in yourself,” as if confidence is a spray-on deodorant that neutralizes the stink.

But here’s the thing: jealousy, at its core, is proof of care. You don’t get jealous over things that don’t matter to you. Nobody spirals because their neighbor got a better stapler. We save our jealousy for the people, opportunities, and affections we desperately want to keep close.

Yes, jealousy can make us petty, irrational, and the kind of person who stalks Venmo transactions like it’s an Olympic sport. But underneath the cringe is a tender truth: “I want this connection to stay mine.” Jealousy is the awkward, overly dramatic love letter your ego writes when it’s afraid of being left behind.

Of course, we usually translate that love letter into disaster. We throw shade, sulk, or pretend not to care while radiating the exact opposite. Jealousy makes us want to handcuff people to the radiator while swearing we’re “totally chill.” It’s messy. It’s human. It’s kind of hilarious—because the more we try to hide it, the more obvious it is.

What if, instead of demonizing jealousy, we treated it as an indicator light on the dashboard? A reminder that something matters enough to sting. Maybe instead of denying it, we just say: “Yep, I care. Maybe too much. That’s my problem, but it comes from love.” Imagine how disarming it would be to admit jealousy with humor instead of rage: “Yes, I am jealous. No, I won’t fight you about it, but I might write a passive-aggressive poem.”

Jealousy doesn’t mean you’re weak or unworthy. It means you’re invested. The trick is not to let it drive the car. Recognize it, laugh at its melodrama, and then let it point you toward what you value. If you’re jealous your partner laughed harder at someone else’s joke, maybe the point isn’t to destroy the competition—it’s to remember that laughter is part of what bonds you, and you want more of it.

So no, jealousy isn’t proof you’re broken. It’s proof you give a damn. And in a world that pretends indifference is cool, giving a damn is a radical act.